A Little Lost
“Are you lost?” The voice asked with a gentle curiosity. A gentleness so warmly lit I immediately realized safety. I felt like a newborn child not needing to have an answer, only to exist in the moment. The curiosity afforded my attention space to inhabit. A space to crawl around in and explore. I began to notice myself. The scars on my hands and the veins in my arms. I could see my blood and feel my life in this safety. I noticed my surroundings and realized I was in the morning light, everything in every direction was saying hello. I noticed time and felt my place in its path. The only moment that mattered was the one I was in. I was present. I was invited to this gentleness to start integrating with myself. To be honest with myself.
“I don’t know” I replied as if my subconscious had answered for me. Perhaps the most honest words I had ever spoken. I don’t know how long I thought about the answer, perhaps it was no time at all, perhaps the gentle curiosity had given the answer, which had been there all along, in the space to live. In my integration and honesty, I felt relief. I felt myself breathing like a newborn child finding air for the first time. My relief and fullness gave way to the act of seeing. I was leaving the expectations of having an answer behind. I was leaving answers behind.
“It’s ok” the voice replied. The kindness covered me and began to overwhelm. The empathy held me like mother's arms and swaddled me like grandmother's blanket. I felt my throat get thick and my eyes began to well. The tears fell until my face was numb. The kindness had presented itself as an act of mercy and gave me a reunion with the feeling of being whole. Being fully known and still loved. The kindness of this voice had offered the safety and then stepped into it with love.